


The Fear of the Flame

by MeyerMansi



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, It's not all sad, Sort Of, Temporary Character Death, basically barry dies and realizes some things, but the whole thing is very melancholic, i snuck in some bluejeans fluff as per usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 06:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16034699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeyerMansi/pseuds/MeyerMansi
Summary: Barry doesn’t know what the dreams mean, and he’s never been able to articulate them to anyone else. There’s something weird about his life, he knows, because the coin tells him so. He can only trust that whatever the coin is leading him to comes with answers.You ever think about how Lup's relic murdered the love of her life? Cause I sure do.





	The Fear of the Flame

**Author's Note:**

> Some good old-fashioned angst, to give you a break from all that...angst I posted last time. Barry just loves Lup a lot okay, even when he can't remember her.

Barry’s nights are plagued by dreams.

Sometimes, he dreams of music. It’s beautiful and painfully nostalgic, like childhood memories that have long since been blurred by time. He dreams of warmth, softer and brighter than anything he’s ever felt in this reality. There’s more to the dream, too; a smile, maybe, or a voice, blending with the music. There’s a grip on his hand that pulls him towards something he can’t quite see. It’s so, so, warm, but he never feels stifled. Somehow, it’s exactly right.

 

It’s a happy dream, but Barry always jolts awake with tears streaming down his face, freezing cold despite his enormous collection of blankets.

 

Sometimes, the dreams are different. There’s one where he’s standing very high up, on a balcony, maybe? And he doesn’t know why, but there’s a horrible pit in his stomach. He shouts, but no sound comes out. He can feel his lips forming words, _important_ words, but he can’t make sense of them. And then he falls, jolting awake just before he hits the ground, the ghost of a smile on his lips but panic in his veins.

 

Barry doesn’t know what the dreams mean, and he’s never been able to articulate them to anyone else. There’s something weird about his life, he knows, because the coin tells him so. He can only trust that whatever the coin is leading him to comes with answers.

 

Meeting Taako, Magnus and Merle is weird for Barry. He doesn’t know why, they seem like decent guys. They don’t set off any alarm bells. On the contrary, Barry feels like he’s known the three of them for years. And, for some reason, this thought throws his brain, as if it’s trying to place the others into a series of events that haven’t taken place yet, finding nothing in his past to explain it. He knows _of_ Taako, the coin mentioned the fallen semi-celebrity on more than one occasion, but he’s never met the guy. Even if he has, it doesn’t explain the weird ache he gets when he looks directly into Taako’s face. _Maybe you’re into him_ , a small part of his brain suggests, but Barry has to keep from audibly snorting at that. Taako is most decidedly not his type, but the thought nags him for a while longer. Barry finds himself sticking with the three men, even after being dragged through hell (and a cave). He isn’t sure why they saved him, since their moral core seemed to vary from moment to moment, but he’s very glad they did.

 

He bids them goodbye at the tavern once again, and yet he finds himself back there again sooner than expected. He’s had a fuzzy, persistent headache for the past few days, and while alcohol is unlikely to fix that, the tavern is a welcome distraction from his own thoughts. He enters the tavern quietly, waving to Noelle Redcheek, who he had a friendly conversation with the last time she dropped off a shipment. He nods to the bartender and takes a seat on one of the barstools, flipping his coin absently between two fingers. It’s a calm day, but he feels tense, his headache not ebbing in the slightest. There’s apprehension in the air, and he turns the coin faster and faster, not really focused on one particular thing.

 

He’s there for maybe 20 minutes before it all goes to hell. First, there’s a sickening crackle as the door of the tavern opens, and suddenly they’re all face-to-face with Gundren Rockseeker. Except, he looks unlike Barry has ever seen him before. He looks taller maybe, but that’s hardly the first thing Barry takes in. He’s engulfed in flames, eyes literally blazing. He’s yelling, the bartender is yelling, Noelle is yelling, and it’s all so, so loud.

 

Within the chaos, Barry finds a moment of clarity. He’s never been afraid of fire. He’s always found it kind of breathtaking, actually. In that moment he knows the fire isn’t what he should be scared of. So, he stands up, focusing on the roar of the flames instead of the screams behind him.

“Gundren!” He yells as loudly as he can. The dwarf doesn’t seem to register his words, but the noise, at least, draws his attention. “Gundren, stop! It’s not supposed to be used like that!” He doesn’t really know what he’s saying, but every word spills out of him with utter conviction. “STOP. Please, gods, Gundren, you don’t know what you’re doing, it’s more powerful than you think it is!” The dwarf just stands there. “Damn, it, _listen to me_!”

 

That does the trick, more or less. Gundren fixes his furious, burning eyes on Barry and raises his palm. Barry only has time to register the large fireball hurtling towards his face before his natural instincts kick in and he barrels out of the bar and into the street, coming face to face with none other than Taako, Magnus, and Merle, accompanied by a woman he doesn’t recognize. They all look suitably horrified as they take in the situation. His eyes dart between the four of them as he pants, trying to catch his breath.

“Oh, my god, you’re back! You guys, you gotta help me, I’ve never seen it --him--like this,” He pauses to take a breath, smoke catching at his lungs. “well, obviously, I’ve never seen him engulfed in flames and all magical and shit, but, um, if things are really bad, you guys, you gotta calm him down!” The orc woman expresses her agreement, jolting back as Gundren storms out of the bar and into the middle of their ranks. The three adventures break into panicked chatter attempting to sedate Gundren. And Barry? Barry feels _furious_.

 

The feeling comes seemingly out of nowhere, but it’s not a new one. It boils, hot and heavy like the flames lapping all around him. _Is this what people are like?_ Things like that...fiery glove couldn’t be in the hands of Gundren or those like him. Hell, Barry wouldn’t trust _himself_ with this sort of thing. It infuriates him that someone so bitter gets the opportunity to hurt others, that _anyone_ has the ability to do this.

 

Barry is jolted out of his quiet fury, a thud resounding through Phandalin as Gundren stumbles, having been talked down by Merle. Barry blinks, trying to process that they might’ve actually succeeded without violence. Maybe they can get the weird glove off of him. Maybe it’s going to be okay.

 

_Shhhhhhk._

 

An arrow sprouts out of Gundren’s form, and then he’s screaming. Columns of flame spread from his hands and engulf everything. The smoke stings Barry’s eyes as the heat burns at the hair on his head and arms.  

“WHO DID THIS?!?” Gundren roars. Barry is known for being a decently intelligent guy, but clearly that assessment is wrong, because his brain absolutely short circuits, and he bursts out with

“Not me!”

If Gundren hadn’t heeded his cries before, he certainly does now. The last thing Barry sees before a crushing wall of fire is Taako’s eyes, shocked, betrayed, and so, so familiar.

 

_And there’s something about the dying that feels familiar._

* * *

 

“Lup?” Barry walks across the deck of the Starblaster. He’s still getting used to this cycle, and to the idea that at last, they’re done. His own disorientation is at the back of his mind, however, when his eyes land on the love of his life. Lup is staring absently out at the surrounding lands, the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet in her hand. He leans on the railing next to her and gently picks up her free hand, intertwining their fingers and staring out with her. It only takes her a moment to come back to herself, and she inhales, smiling a little bit at him and squeezing their hands tighter, only just registering his presence.

“Barry! Hi, babe.” He takes this as a good sign.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s up?” She tenses for a moment, so subtle that he thinks that only their crew would even pick it up. “You don’t have to. I just want to help you if I can, being your partner, and all.” She sighs, keeping her eyes towards the horizon for a moment. Then, she resolutely turns to face him, keeping their hands entwined.

“Of course I’ll tell you, I just don’t think you _can_ help.” Lup frowns, and Barry can see the toll this whole ordeal is taking on her. She’s still gorgeous, both in the ethereal, timeless way that elves are, and in the way that Barry has come to see through falling in love with her. But she looks miserable, even despite her best efforts to hide it, even from her brother.

 

“This gauntlet,” she gestures with it. “Is going to hurt someone. It’s probably going to hurt a lot of people, actually. I know this, and I’m still going to let it loose in the world. And there’s nothing I can do about it.” She sags a little, as if even verbalizing her internal struggle has begun to erode her careful composure. Barry doesn’t push her. Instead, he nods, letting go of her hand for a moment to wrap his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder and kissing it softly.

“I’m sorry.” She sighs shakily.

“I know.” she hesitates. “I’m scared, Barry. I hate to say it, but I’m terrified.” He holds her closer, eyes following the strain of her wrist down to the gauntlet.

“I’m scared too, Lup. We’re all scared, you’re allowed that much.” He gets an idea, suddenly. “I can’t make that go away, but,” He snatches at the glove, hoping for a moment of dexterity. He grabs it and pulls away.

“Babe, what are you doing?” Lup’s voice is part amused, but primarily unsure.

“Showing you something.” He slips the gauntlet on.

“Barry, no!” As soon as it hits his hand, he can hear it whispering to him, as they’ve learned the relics do.

_No. Lup made you. And this is for her._

The voices quiet.

“It can’t hurt me, Lup. And it can’t hurt Taako either, or any of the others. I know it’s scary--gods Lup, I’m so fucking scared--but you have us, alright?” He tosses the gauntlet back to her, moment of impulsivity passed. He’s not entirely sure what he’s trying to prove, and he hesitates for a moment at Lup’s entirely blank expression. She looks up at him, then back down at it, then back up at him.

“You _asshole_ .” And then she’s kissing him fiercely, arms winding around his neck and into his hair, gauntlet discarded on the deck of the ship. When they break apart, she buries her head against his neck. “Don’t _do_ that.”

“Sometimes I gotta show off for you.” She hits him on the shoulder without any malice. Barry smiles into her hair. He thinks of her, and of the others, and of anything except his own relic on it’s ominous stand, ready to do much worse, he thinks, than anything made by Lup could ever do.

* * *

  


Barry wakes up to a sea of black glass and a burning taste in his mouth. It takes him a moment to reorient to his surroundings, and he realizes with a start that he’s in his lich form. Oh yeah, he died. By the relic. Lup’s relic. _Lup._

 

He lets out a yell of frustration, feeling the arcs of red lightning burst over his form as his memories come back to him, along with the knowledge of his failure. He had been _so close_ . He’d talked to Magnus and Merle and Taako, shaken their hands like perfect strangers. They’d had the gauntlet, so why wasn’t Lup with him? Why didn’t Taako at least mention her? _Why wasn’t she with them why wasn’t she with them why wasn’t she with him---_

 

Barry fights himself for control. The lightning calms down, leaving him exhausted, even in an inexhaustible form like this. With no samples left to collect from the desolate circle, he begins the long float back to his cave.

 

Barry has had a lot of time to think over the past decade. It’s a lonely thing, but it’s one of the few pastimes he has, now. As he heads to the cave, he does just that. He attempts to align what he already knows with what his human form experienced. Upon entering his lair, he sits down at the map, smiling wryly as he marks an X through Wave-Echo Cave. At the very least, he was right about where to find the relic. He frowns slightly as he does so, taking in some of the finer details of his most recent death. He and Lup have never lied to each other. When he finds her, _and he will find her_ , he has no intention of starting. But maybe he can omit some of the details. He promised her he wouldn’t get hurt. They promised to stick together. They all promised to tell each other how they were feeling. They all promised they were family, and would never do something to harm one another.

 

So few of the promises they made aboard the Starblaster stayed unbroken.


End file.
